


the amazing @spiderman22

by choccymilk



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Believe it or not but fucking Grindr, Celebrities, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, News Media, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Otherwise known as 'The Other Anus of the Internet' with the first one being none other than 4chan, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Social Media, Steve Rodgers Friendly, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube, reddit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 23:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19161487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choccymilk/pseuds/choccymilk
Summary: "No, no, seriously, Ned. I don't know what's going to be my first post.""I'm sure you'll think of something, uh," his eyes darted, "not stupid.". . .spooderdood @spiderman22👋 🕷10,637 💬 | 98,999 🔁 | 891,005 ♥️





	1. Local Spooder Tragically Thrown Into The Abyss

 

 

"No, no, seriously, Ned. I don't know what's going to be my first post."

 

Like an idiot, Peter was panicking.

 

He didn't even know why he was so tense. He could've sworn he felt his phone vibrate at least four times, but each time he checked there was nothing.

Nothing except his annoying face parted between the branching cracks in the reflection of the screen protector.

 

Ned shrugged as his fingers fumbled around zipping his backpack, "I don't know, just type something cool so everyone will like you." With a few jerky tugs, the zipper managed to hold the unimaginable load underneath. He could just picture the zipper string things screaming at each other for dear life to hold on.

 

"Dude, this is kind of a big deal!"

 

Ned yawned.

 

Okay, maybe not so much a big deal.

 

"I don't know man, like, it's a cool idea," he groaned when he spotted a math textbook he had left on the floor and proceeded to reopen his backpack, "oh, and you can follow my Twitter so we'll both get famous overnight, as long as you do that you're good."

 

"Yeah yeah yeah, okay besides that‒ _the post_ , Ned, I'm asking about the post," impulsively, he plopped onto his spinney chair thing and whorled around.

 

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say. What if I say something cool and then people think I'm a wannabe hotshot-"

 

"Then sound intelligent?" Ned muttered something about not having heard the word 'hotshot' since their Audrey Hepburn marathon and threw on his coat (violently flapping the sleeves around until his arms had slipped through, much to Peter's enjoyment), "I don't know man! And I gotta go soon, because my mom said she'd take my laptop if I stayed too late without telling her again."

 

"Awww," he fell back on the bed and it bounced with his misery, "well, see ya tomorrow, I guess."

 

"Good luck with the post peter, I'm sure you'll think of something, uh," his eyes darted, "not stupid."

 

Very suspicious, Ned.

 

Peter squeezed his tongue against the roof of his mouth to hold himself from quipping a short 'try not to catch a cold!' as the door had already been closed with a squeaky jerk and the shuffling of hurried footsteps fading into the murmurs of the night.

 

The tension in his chest melted into the sudden quiet of his room. It was cool, his thoughts mused as his eyes traced his best friend sprinting through the damp streets, it was kind of adorable how all Ned wanted from him was a follow on Twitter. The dumber his worries, the more Ned would distract him until he had no choice but to focus on the positive outlook.

 

_He's got your back._

 

The bad rep he and Mr. Stark had been gaining over the past month was nothing short of frustrating. In all honesty, Peter just wanted to help.

 

The lamps across the sidewalk illuminated the drizzling of the night sky. His fingers softly pressed against the window separating him the droplets that slowly absorbed each other until the heaviness yanked them down the smooth panes with all the force of gravity. Down into the dark streets.

 

 

 

_Deep breaths, this is nothing new. Not even remotely important, there are no villains, no weapons, no unreasonably intense yelling, it's just a screen. Just you and a screen._

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**   
👋 🕷  
10,637 💬 | 98,999 🔁 | 891,005 ♥️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**(1) Notification**

Gey in he chiar: what the heck peter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[twitter]

 

 **it do be like that @sistersadness**  
"Me crawling into a group chat after a drama shit show like"  
👋🕷  
4 💬 | 189 🔁 | 331 ♥️

 

 **Jason @GamerBoisUnite**  
No one:  
Literally no one:  
New York:  
The fucking birds:  
Sticky boi: 👋🕷  
33 💬 | 520 🔁 | 846 ♥️

 

 **Amy Manson @AmyMansonnn**  
Me: chilling & minding my own business  
Spider in my room: 👋🕷  
2 💬 | 89 🔁 | 151 ♥️

 

 **gray @grayso-n**  
stark retweeting it was all the confirmation we needed boys. now unleash the beast.  
0 💬 | 18 🔁 | 68 ♥️

 

 **Spidey Watch @Spidey_Watch  
**Christmas has arrived 3 months early.  
(retweet)  
**spooderdood @spiderman22**    
👋 🕷  
180 💬 | 1,023 🔁 | 9,502 ♥️

 

 **chungus's baby @babychungy  
**If Spider-Man was suicidal:  
🕷👏  
431 💬 | 5,005 🔁 | 11,892 ♥️  
**lil uwu @choccymilk  
**@babychungy F  
65 💬 | 101 🔁 | 972 ♥️  
**honey @myloveeee  
**@babychungy @choccymilk F  
1 💬 | 1 🔁 | 30 ♥️  
**spooderdood @spiderman22  
**@babychungy @myloveeee F  
59 💬 | 600 🔁 |5,278 ♥️  
**mindy @mo0omindy  
**@babychungy @spiderman22   
^ THE FUCK  
6 💬 | 22 🔁 |630 ♥️ 

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**bold of you to assume i am not suicidal  
(retweet)  
**chungus's baby @babychungy  
**If Spider-Man was suicidal:  
🕷👏  
284 💬 | 12,010 🔁 | 57,238 ♥️

 

 **Tony Stark @tonystark**    
Explain.  
(retweet)  
**spooderdood @spiderman22  
**bold of you to assume i am not suicidal  
4,299 💬 | 44,118 🔁 | 802,331 ♥️

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**@tonystark nononoit's internet humor  
it's just a joke  
10 💬 | 355 🔁 | 2,498 ♥️ 

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**touché  
(retweet)  
**Whoever Said That @yomomsahoe  
**Spidey at Stark: 'It's just a prank bro.'  
11 💬 | 983 🔁 | 8,974 ♥️

 

 **Tony Stark @tonystark    
**@spiderman22 You have successfully explained nothing to me. Give yourself a  
round of applause.  
10,547 💬 | 209,005 🔁 | 1.2 mil ♥️

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**@tonystark ohhh mr. stark, can i come to the compound tomorrow? but not for the reg stuff bc i didn't have time to make the spider 'stuff' at...the place i ususally do.  
300 💬 | 2,832 🔁 | 6,927 ♥️

 **Tony Stark @tonystark  
**@spiderman22 Sure, kid. *Usually. Also, I’d give you a nice and warm “Welcome to Twitter” but I think we both know what you’ve really signed up for.  
621 💬 | 3,853 🔁 | 16,080 ♥️

 

 **jeeez jenna @PlzStopethJennifer  
**Spider stuff? Sticky white spider stuff? Don’t lie to me heathen, I know that shit comes out of your wrist.   
2 💬 | 3 🔁 | 50 ♥️

 

 **Santiago @donalddork  
**#starknspider Do you guys see this? We have been kept from this friendship all this time. 🤧😭  
6 💬 | 59 🔁 | 841 ♥️

 

 **unoriginal yeetus @russiandude3  
**legit had no idea they knew each other #starknspider  
20 💬 | 475 🔁 | 1,020 ♥️

 

 **Pingu @pingupeengu  
**So he didn't get that suit from Jesus, we at least know that now.  
(retweet)  
**unoriginal yeetus @russiandude3  
**legit had no idea they knew each other  
#starknspider  
14 💬 | 280 🔁 | 1,699 ♥️

  

 **Tony Stark @tonystark  
**And that's where you're wrong.  
(retweet)  
**Pingu @pingupeengu  
**So he didn't get that suit from Jesus,  
     we at least know that now.  
906 💬 | 89,028 🔁 | 802,001 ♥️

 

 

 

[tumblr]

 

dumbasahoe:

10,689 notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to ignore the urge, I really did, but my dumbass cannot get enough of these fics and I realized I had read nearly all of them (I've seen some weird shit guys).
> 
> Aaaanyways, if there is anything anyone would like to see coming from this fic; a scenario, humorous dialouge ingeniously thought up at 2 am, suggestions, etc. feel free to chip in and I will seriously consider it. Although I don't want this fic to take itself too seriously, I also don't want it to be complete crack high on meth involving de-aged nick fury going back in time to shit on his great uncles grave or something. 
> 
> Also please god please someone tell me how to properly show images bc I’m at my wits end trying to get that Distrubed Tom meme I made specifically for the context of this story into the story. And I’m sad. Very sad. Help a sis out.


	2. Local Arachnid Survives Being Murdered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the punches keep coming but main hoe splider-mig flexes his biceps and pushes through like a real hero. he is invincible. 😤💪

**Spidey Watch @Spidey_Watch**  
Spider-Man spotted at local Queens grocery store @spiderman22

 

398 💬 | 3,801 🔁 | 13,710 ♥️  
**Yeetle @TheTeetle**  
    @Spidey_Watch Why.  
    86 💬 | 690 🔁 | 2,084 ♥️  
**spooderdood @spiderman22**  
        @Spidey_Watch @TheTeetle  
        ok to be fair these french tourists  
        were looking very confused and kept  
        staring at both me and the grocery store.  
        i had to do something.  
        403 💬 | 5,472 🔁 | 11,854 ♥️  
**mmm @americasasssss128**  
            @spiderman22 Honestly did not expect that  
            development but I'm not complaining.  
            Y'all really are just regular ppl aren't you?  
            30 💬 | 603 🔁 | 3,172 ♥️

 

 **The Daily Bugle @DAILYBUGLE**  
The Spider-Menace has taken to social media. Some speculate it to be an attempt to warp the minds of the public in favor of supers.  
77 💬 | 971 🔁 | 3,110 ♥️  
    **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
    @DAILYBUGLE thank you, daisy bubble.  
    68 💬 | 3,046 🔁 | 10,265 ♥️

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
"so what's you stress level on a scale of one to ten?"  
happy hogan.  
1,200 💬 | 3,720 🔁 | 69,213 ♥️  
**Happy Hogan @SI_headofsecurity**  
    @spiderman22 Punks got something to say?  
    Say it to my face sticky boy.  
    602 💬 | 2,610 🔁 | 13,287 ♥️

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
happy just called me a sticky boy.  
2,015 💬 | 50,002 🔁 | 94,627 ♥️

 

 

  
**God's Gift to Humanity @Hawkeye**  
Stark & Banner: sciencey words, equilibrium of this pizza slice, parabola, interested murmurs, the proportions of Thor's anus are astoundingly congruent to blah blah  
Good old Hawkeye: I've changed two light bulbs. Maybe three.  
608 💬 | 7,032 🔁 | 89,920 ♥️  
    **jesus @iswearitsmyname**  
    @Hawkeye He is all of us.  
    45 💬 | 200 🔁 | 4,245 ♥️  
        **heehee @idid_lepoop**  
        @Hawkeye @iswearitsmyname  
        avenger: *says relatable thing*  
        internet: i too shoot arrows good  
        under house arrest  
        11 💬 | 68 🔁 | 236 ♥️

 **Thor @AllMightyThor**  
@Hawkeye Although I have never seen it, my anus should most definitely be proportional  
6,910 💬 | 57,860 🔁 | 104,920 ♥️

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
@AllMightyThor mr. thor i would die for you.  
599 💬 | 2,660 🔁 | 11,638 ♥️

 **Thor @AllMightyThor**  
@spiderman222 I would never let that happen.  
3,012 💬 | 18,792 🔁 | 206,729 ♥️

 **God's Gift to Humanity @Hawkeye**  
Thor's expression just took a full 180. He is so fucking serious about it @spiderman22 so don't you forget it haha  
639 💬 | 9,620 🔁 | 90,093 ♥️

 

 **Don't Fucking Smell My Suit @Deadpoolio**  
I said it once and I said it again. Spider-Man's ass is the best we've got and you all are taking it for fuciknijgbgranted.  
720 💬 | 3,619 🔁 | 14,609 ♥️  
**spooderdood @spiderman22**  
    @Deadpoolio r/ihadastroke  
    608 💬 | 2,860 🔁 | 9,920 ♥️  
**MJ @notmaryjaneffs**  
        @Deadpoolio @spidermen22  
        don't quote reddit anywhere but  
        reddit you imbecile  
        39 💬 | 200 🔁 | 865 ♥️

 

 **Cindy @SilkySavageMoon**  
Do Deadpool and Spidey have a thing bc 👀  
     (retweet)  
**Don't Fucking Smell My Suit @Deadpoolio**  
     I said it once and I said it again. Spider-Man's  
     ass is the best we've got and you all are  
     taking it for fuciknijgbgranted.  
614 💬 | 2,201 🔁 | 8,212 ♥️

 

 **MJ @notmaryjaneffs**  
@ptrprkr quick. clear this up.  
     (retweet)  
**Cindy @SilkySavageMoon**  
     Do Deadpool and Spidey have a thing bc 👀  
4 💬 | 0 🔁 | 2 ♥️  
**then perish @ptrprkr**  
    @notmaryjaneffs oh my god i-wait how do i  
    do that wthout giving some shit up abt me  
    3 💬 | 0 🔁 | 1 ♥️  
**Nederoni @gosteponalego**  
        @notmaryjaneffs @ptrprk or you  
        could just let it happen lol. I mean this is  
        kind of what you signed up for Peter.  
        2 💬 | 0 🔁 | 1 ♥️  
**then perish @ptrprkr**  
            @notmaryjaneffs @gosteponalego  
            not helpiiingggg  
            1 💬 | 0 🔁 | 2 ♥️  
**Nederoni @gosteponalego**  
                @notmaryjaneffs @ptrprkr  
                Lol ikik. Okay, how about saying  
                something like 'no we're not  
                together and he doesn't even know  
                who i am'. It's the truth and you  
                won't have to mention anything  
                about your age.  
                0 💬 | 0 🔁 | 2 ♥️

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
I can't believe I'm saying this, but @Deadpoolio and I are not a thing, will never be a thing, and have never been a thing. He doesn't even know who I am, and he's just thirsting after my butt like the rest of you guys so I don't know why everyone is acting like this is new.  
513 💬 | 4,104 🔁 | 50,213 ♥️  
    **Don't Fucking Smell My Suit @Deadpoolio**  
    @spiderman22 :,0 n-never ever? NOoOo  
    300 💬 | 2,012 🔁 | 10,910 ♥️   
  
**We Love Our Local Arachnid @Spider_Fam**  
fuck guys he knOws  
38 💬 | 66 🔁 | 215 ♥️

 **Gordon @NotRamsay**  
@spiderman22 guys he used correct punctuation he's serious ooo  
11 💬 | 56 🔁 | 283 ♥️  
**spooderdood @spiderman22**  
    @NotRamsay I'm so sorry, I don't mean  
    to be rude. Honest! But Mr. Stark said  
    that usually when things like this happen  
    you gotta squish it before it gets big or smth.  
    But also Mr. Rhodes told me good punctuation  
    shows good character.  
    231 💬 | 4,104 🔁 | 50,213 ♥️

 **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
Hey everyone! I know this is a bit out of the blue here, but I was hoping for some advice from you guys because some of you really seem to have your lives together.  
4,015 💬 | 10,002 🔁 | 95,627 ♥️  
    **B-Day @BlakeBanning345**  
    @spiderman22 By no means do I have my shit  
    together but I would be honored to give out  
    some hypocritical advice that I would most likely  
    ignore on my own but would still give to you  
    because you deserve the world and  
    my neighbors two dogs.  
    199 💬 | 1,649 🔁 | 4,324 ♥️  
        **Local Cunt @DefinitlyNotAPornAccount**  
        @spiderman22 @BlakeBanning345  
        he can have my life savings for all i care.  
        102 💬 | 1,803 🔁 | 5,899 ♥️  
            **nom nom @yEeEeEeeeeeee_**  
            @spiderman22  
            @DefinitlyNotAPornAccount  
            Name checks out.  
            30 💬 | 139 🔁 | 1,720 ♥️  
                **Bill Morgan @BM_magic**  
                @spiderman22 @yEeEeEeeeeeee_  
                Fuck I forgot to use my personal acct.  
                69 💬 | 204 🔁 | 3,600 ♥️  
                  **Cookie @0_Mmm_0**  
                  @spiderman22 @BM_magic Now  
                  everyone knows you watch porn, Bill.  
                  56 💬 | 137 🔁 | 2,468 ♥️  
                      **Bill Morgan @BM_magic**  
                      @spiderman22 @0_Mmm_0  
                      SHIT my boss is gonna know about  
                      my pee fetish  
                      33 💬 | 274 🔁 | 3,620 ♥️  
                         **gray @grayso-n**  
                         @spiderman22 @BM_magic  
                         i'm sorry what.  
                         24 💬 | 89 🔁 | 1,840 ♥️  
                             **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
                             @BM_magic @grayso-n  
                             yes officer, this man right here.  
                             90 💬 | 1,733 🔁 | 4,829 ♥️

 **NYPD NEWS @NYPDnews**  
On it, Spider-Man.  
     (retweet)  
     **spooderdood @spiderman22**  
     @BM_magic @grayso-n  
     yes officer, this man right here.  
19 💬 | 699 🔁 | 3,629 ♥️

  
**Tony Stark @tonystark**  
More and more every time.  
     (retweet)  
     **Buzz Feed @BuzzFeed**  
     @tonystark Do you enjoy seeing your face all the  
     time on TV as Iron Man?  
4,015 💬 | 70,002 🔁 | 210,627 ♥️

  

 **ReallyShittyNews @ShittyNews**  
TONY STARK and SPIDER-MAN seen at LOCAL NY coffee shop. What they ordered has struck SHOCK in the hearts of the people [...]  
177 💬 | 1,971 🔁 | 5,110 ♥️  
    **Maya Minx @Mayoyo**  
    @ShittyNews  
    Save a click-  
    Stark had: Iced Latte.  
    Spidey had: London Fog, Choc. Frap,  
    Iced Mocha, & fucking Banana Bread  
    59 💬 | 302 🔁 | 1,743 ♥️  
        **Yeetle @TheTeetle**  
        @ShittyNews @MayaMinx  
        Spidey got a sweet tooth  
        or smth?  
        18 💬 | 196 🔁 | 788 ♥️  
            **Borkan @themorgan**  
            @ShittyNews @TheTeetle  
            all in one motherfucking  
            sitting too  
            12 💬 | 200 🔁 | 816 ♥️  
                **D Hernandez @DHyuhh**  
                @ShittyNews @themorgan  
                What a beast.  
                20 💬 | 611 🔁 | 900 ♥️

  
**spooderdood @spiderman22**  
Wait. I can explain.  
Mr. Stark said he was buying.  
     (retweet)  
     **Yeetle @TheTeetle**  
     @ShittyNews @MayaMinx  
     Spidey got a sweet tooth or smth?  
226 💬 | 1,739 🔁 | 17,081 ♥️  
        **Tony Stark @tonystark**  
        @spiderman22 I'm always buying.  
        592 💬 | 8,529 🔁 | 99,620 ♥️  
            **Mingle-Man @mysuperpoweristalking**  
            @spiderman22 @tonystark  
            Tony: "you have successfully explained  
            nothing to me."  
            89 💬 | 365 🔁 | 1,662 ♥️

 

 

 **God's Gift to Humanity @Hawkeye  
**Interviewer: would you say your independent?  
P: *slowly glances at Stark*  
T: *nods*  
P: yes.  
@tonystark @spiderman22   
1,042 💬 | 12,816 🔁 | 26,301 ♥️  
**Gordon Ramsay @NotActuallyRamsay  
**    @Hawkeye Who's P?  
    608 💬 | 2,860 🔁 | 10,920 ♥️  
**God's Gift to Humanity @Hawkeye  
**        @NotActuallyRamsay   
        Oh shit oops I meant S as in Spidey. Hah.  
        Keyboards, am I right? Never work how you  
        need em too.  
        80 💬 | 906 🔁 | 4,016 ♥️  
**Buzz Feed @BuzzFeed  
**            @Hawkeye 👀  
28 💬 | 2,160 🔁 | 8,920 ♥️

 

 

 **rihanna stan @mrdjj  
**Haha wouldn't it be hilarious if his name was Peter or something  
850 💬 | 3,453 🔁 | 7,231 ♥️  
**Ducketh @ThyFools  
**    @mrdjj What other names start   
    with P tho? Penis? Bet his names Penis  
    19 💬 | 90 🔁 | 725 ♥️  
**Yee @yee_  
**        @mrdjj @ThyFools   
        It'd be Penis Parker or some shit haha   
        them supers got nothing but movie-ass  
        names and alliteration.  
        26 💬 | 189 🔁 | 600 ♥️  
**Honey Buns @WhineyThePooh_  
**            @mrdjj @yee_ Well there's  
            Patrick, Peyton,  
            Parker, Preston etc.  
            8 💬 | 39 🔁 | 120 ♥️  
**ugh @pleasekillmenow  
**                @mrdjj @WhineyThePooh_    
                Penis I'm fucking wheezing.   
                But what if it's some interesting  
                foreign islander name like  
                pakawansidoskuix. Also nice job   
                getting those off babynames.com  
                9 💬 | 12 🔁 | 48 ♥️  
**God's Gift to Humanity @Hawkeye  
**                    @mrdjj @pleasekillmenow  
                    Or, maybe, just maybe, it actually WAS  
                    a typo. Just something to consider.   
200 💬 | 1,620 🔁 | 2,710 ♥️

 

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**:,( come on guys  
660 💬 | 5,425 🔁 | 19,718 ♥️ 

 

 

 **Flash @F_Thompson  
**Hey Penis! @ptrprkr I think they're talking about you!  
49 💬 | 99 🔁 | 2,010 ♥️  
**Grace @GeeseGrace  
**    @F_Thompson Ahaha is his name actually Penis  
    6 💬 | 14 🔁 | 35 ♥️  
        **MJ @notmaryjaneffs  
**        @F_Thompson @GeeseGrace  
        are you stupid?  
        2 💬 | 5 🔁 | 18 ♥️

 **woofler @W_Waffiwoo  
**@ptrprkr hey is ur name penis.   
1 💬 | 6 🔁 | 17 ♥️

 **Jay @jasonramirez  
**@ptrprkr hey im from flash's vlog acct twt, penis.  
nice name you got there,  
you wouldn't happen to be  
spiderman wpuld you, penis? 😂😂  
10 💬 | 20 🔁 | 56 ♥️  
**Flash @F_Thompson  
**    Yo dude no no no you guys can pick on  
    penis all you want, just leave  
    Spider-Man out of it.  
    That guy’s too lit for this shit.  
    1 💬 | 3 🔁 | 15 ♥️

 **Carson Nam @CNNamBitchez  
**@ptrprkr hey say penis 3 times and spin around in front of a mirror and peepee prkr will show up in the reflection and yodel u 2 death about how the internet thought he was spiderman for a sec and then he will peepee and poopoo on u bc he is a penis  
18 💬 | 34 🔁 | 66 ♥️

 **Carson Nam @CNNamBitchez  
**@ptrprkr pls pee on me daddy i want to be baptized by Penis  
2 💬 | 5 🔁 | 10 ♥️  
    **Nederoni @gosteponalego** **  
** @CNNamBitchez aww, his lovely persistent troll!  
don’t worry, it’ll be your turn to kiss his ass soon!   
1 💬 | 2 🔁 | 5 ♥️

 **rOck stAr @keepcalmcarryon_ushits  
**@ptrprkr so penis do u have balls for a head or balls in ur mouth im very curious  
2 💬 | 5 🔁 | 10 ♥️ 

 

 

 **then perish @ptrprkr  
**why did the internet choose today to murder me all of the sudden? i really don’t think i deserve this.  
3 💬 | 1 🔁 | 6 ♥️

 

 

 **MJ @notmaryjaneffs  
**hey since your gaining temporary attention on your @ptrprkr account, have a little decency and put some vowels in your stupid name it's annoying as fuck  
4 💬 | 0 🔁 | 2 ♥️

 **then perish @ptrprkr  
**@notmaryjaneffs no u/:(  
3 💬 | 0 🔁 | 1 ♥️  
   
**then perish @ptrprkr  
**@notmaryjaneffs MJ?  
2 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️  
   
**then perish @ptrprkr  
**@notmaryjaneffs MJ you there?  
1 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️  
   
**then perish @ptrprkr  
**@notmaryjaneffs pls respond  
0 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️  
  
**Nederoni @gosteponalego  
**@ptrprkr rip.  
oh oh and follow me please.  
4 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️  
   
**Nederoni @gosteponalego  
**@ptrprkr this is me subtly reminding you while pretending to have forgotten about it  
3 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️  
   
**then perish @ptrprkr  
**@gosteponalego sigh  
2 💬 | 0 🔁 | 1 ♥️  
   
**Nederoni @gosteponalego  
**@ptrprkr don't worry lol. and besides im prety sure that mj just meant to say that you should change your user bc ppl might make fun of you if they don't know your actual name. i think she doesn't like it when u get made fun of. anyways, mj translator out! go to sleep dude, we still have a physics quiz tomorow. 💤 😴 🛏   
1 💬 | 0 🔁 | 1 ♥️  
  
**then perish @ptrprkr  
**@gosteponalego yeah you're right. people i don't even know are calling me penis now. this sucks. goodnight brochacho, ima find some way to say thank you to her super inconspicuously tomorrow💤just gotta do ooooone last thing  
0 💬 | 0 🔁 | 0 ♥️

 

 

 

 **spooderdood @spiderman22  
**hey @F_Thompson it’s not very cool of you to send a mob of trolls after that kid. you should, like, apologize. not cool dude, Spider-Man here doesn’t approve. i might forgive if you tell them to stop bothering that super sad, terrified and unhappy dudebro :( my heart just hurts for him.   
735 💬 | 1,264 🔁 | 8,800 ♥️  
**Flash @F_Thompson  
**@spiderman22 holy shit I am so sorry.  
    i promise i'll stop now, you're so right.  
20 💬 | 300 🔁 | 1,620 ♥️

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have zero plans for a plot at the moment woop woop.
> 
> lol, peter would probably defend himself perfectly fine instead of cowering in a corner, but i feel like he thinks that would give him away somehow because he's always paranoid about his identity. so instead i had him get his final punch as spider-man, but obviously flash isn't just going to be 'done' with peter.
> 
> (btw i love me good spideypool but when there is an age diff as large as the one in this fic, anything that goes on between them is just banter and friendship. me no likey illegal spideypool)
> 
> oh and also if you feel deja vu looking through some of this it’s bc you have seen it before, some of these are text posts from tumblr and interviews yeet we love an unoriginal author 🤪. i take credit for the shitty anus and pee jokes though, that was all me bitches.


End file.
